i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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