all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
