so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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