how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
