I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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