I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
