Will you blow on my dice?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize