I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
