Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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