Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
