Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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