Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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