We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
