The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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