So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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