That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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