I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
