I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
