I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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