I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
