Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
