are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
