ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
