Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
