Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
