thus making me awesome and them whores
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
