Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize