I CAN MOONWALK!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
