dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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