I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
