This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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