Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
