I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
