i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
