I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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