My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
