dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
