They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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