I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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