apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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