everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
