Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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