fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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