i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize