Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
