My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
