Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
