I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pooping to opera.
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