well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
