we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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