I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
