then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
