your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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