He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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