Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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