i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
