i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
