she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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