Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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