Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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