hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize