someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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