Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
