alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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