A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
