His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
