PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
