You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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