I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
