Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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