There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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