My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
