i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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