Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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