They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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