He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
