I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
