We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
