garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize