if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
