Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
