My friends, they love my intelligence
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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