at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize