Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
