I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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