But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize