He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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