so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She's the barista slut.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
