IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
