Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
