Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
