this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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