I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
