? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
