So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
