I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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