Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
