this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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