There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
