no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize